No. It’s not too late…

As she sat in front of her system to type out a fresh set of statistical data, she was suddenly hit by a nostalgic train of thoughts. She looked at the sheets of raw data in front of her – the numbers she had to churn in. She had a sudden siege of anxiety.
What was she doing in her life? Why was she here? What has been her contribution to the society? She couldn’t stop her thoughts now. She abandoned her desk. Went to the french windows and stood facing the city beneath her feet. As she stood there, she remembered the promises she had made to herself when she was growing up.
She’d told herself she’ll be an author when she grew up. Write a love story set in Spain. Another love story in Italy and then Greece. She turned back and looked at her laptop, the Microsoft Excel program blinked back at her. She went back to it, saved the work she had done and closed it. She had two more days to submit it, she’d do it later. Now, she would set to write an outline for her book. The one in Spain.
Yes, she had to work ‘coz she had to support herself, but that didn’t mean she had to give up on her dream because of it! She smiled to herself… she was going to make it!

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New Life

How time flies, she thought as she stared out of the window, looking at the beautiful skyline offered to her in her high-rise apartment. She was afraid of heights but, this was one place where she felt safe.

Tranquility stole into her soul like a balm and she smiled at the city. This city meant a lot to her. It shaped her into what she is today, made her shed her facade and don her original demeanor. It made her accept herself and finally put all her demons at rest. Well, most. But she no more indulged in self-pity.

She was surrounded by people who loved her. She kept in touch with her friends and family with a vengeance. That kept her away from negativity. She was at peace. As the colors of the dawn unfurled before her eyes, she turned her wheelchair away from the window and wheeled herself around to feed her furry pet – a spunky labrador.

The accident took both her legs, but it didn’t take away her zeal for life. Life was good.

Disillusionment…

She was tired of being pushed around. Tired of always being an emotional punch bag for people. She hated being out of control and most of all she was tired of being asked to shut up whenever she tried to raise her voice.

Never understood by people, being branded as a pompous brat by her relatives – a fact asserted by her parents. Truth be told, her “pompousness” was just a pretense. A ruse. A defense mechanism she’d developed when was young; way too young to cover up her feelings. Feelings of being abandoned, of disillusionment, helplessness and the feeling of being never good enough.

Question is… Would she let anyone see beyond the smokescreen she had created and discover who she really was? Would she even try?

Beginning a new chapter…

As she stood near her father’s coffin watching as it was lowered to the ground, she tried to dredge up some feeling, memory or any trait of her fathers. The sad part was, she didn’t know if it was good or bad that she couldn’t remember any. The thing was – her father had such good relationship with his parents that he deemed any relationship with his own daughter of any importance.

She remembered the feeling of inadequacy she felt whenever she met him for holidays and dinners, the sense of hopelessness that her father would never love her; seeing as how she resembled her mother whom her father had loved and lost as she died on childbed.

She shook herself mentally. There was the ceremonial to be hosted, where again she’d have to put up a brave face and accept people’s insincere condolences. She turned, looking for her husband – her rock in times of storm. As she took his arm, accepting his silent support and started walking towards the old house where her father had lived; she told herself she was ready to face the sea of people after which she would return home to the life she knew and people she loved. A new chapter was waiting to be started!!

hope

She stood near the window, a solitary figure; back straight, facing the window but not really looking at the world outside. Thousand emotions swirling inside her. The uppermost – pain. Pain that went deep down, a part of her foundation. Pain that took birth from rejection.. Rejection by her family, friends… Then the sun burst out, and so did the children in her neighborhood, skipping rope and playing hopscotch. And as she saw a little girl holding a basket and prancing around her mother as they both walked to the market, a slow smile spread across her face. She could not change herself now. No, she was much too older for it! But she surely she could change her perspectives; the way she viewed the world. And that moment, she was as sure as the sun that shone outside that she would be alright again!!